Zombie Cockroaches

Story time with Auntie Ashley :o)

It all started when a student asked me about my ID from America. She wanted to see what this so-called "license" looked like. I told her that it was at home and forgot about the conversation until I made it home after kick-boxing class. Of course I hopped in the shower after class to clean up and cool down. Afterward, I randomly thought of my license again. I hadn't seen it in so long, I guess I just wanted to check it to see what it looked like(or rather, what I looked like pre-Thai) :o) I thought it was in my purse(the one from America), so I opened up my wardrobe and reached to the back corner on the bottom shelf. I grabbed my desired object, but apparently had a hitch-hiker. I saw something dark out of the corner of my eye hit the floor and scurry under my desk. "hahaha!", I thought, "your imagination is out of control, Ashley", I thought to myself again. You see, if you know me, you know that I can get a bit carried away with the truth. In my defense, at the time of the situation it really does seem more intense. Immediately sensing my fairytale mind taking over once more(because huge, monstrous, teeth-baring insectogiants were coming to mind) I tried to calm down and tell myself that it was just another small roach. You know, the kind easily removed from the planet by means of "Sole Attack". In other words, a trusty shoe :) After nabbing my broom with my left hand and my shoe with my right, I went in. 

My dirty laundry piles are assembled in the corner near my wardrobe and in front of my desk, so I had to have something long to move the piles out of the way. This is where the broom came in handy. I leaned over and pushed the clothes out of the way - nothing. I bent down and looked at the floor under the desk - still nothing. I was beginning to laugh at myself again for imagining the whole thing when I thought to bend over further. Aha! The little trespasser was on the bottom side of of the last drawer in the desk. And it proved that I wasn't insane - this sucker was HUGE. At least 2 inches long - and you can't convince me that that isn't big....

From there it was a cat and mouse game. He kept crawling around to the back side of the desk and back. So I'd push the desk against the wall in hopes of crushing him, but there he'd be safely under the drawer again. It took so long. I'd shove the end of the broom stick also in hopes of crushing him, but then he'd crawl to the back of the desk again. Finally, I let him go to the back side of the desk. I decided to try and flick him onto the floor beside the desk, in the open. Luckily, this worked! I flicked him and he landed on his back! He was struggling to get right side up, and I realized that I'd have to do something - STAT. He was about to attack! ahhh! I dropped the shoe and, holding the broom handle with both hands, I began hitting him over and over and over. I kept hitting him until I was convinced that he could not twitch again while yelling, "You messed with the wrong apartment, buddy!"(and I'm not kidding). For necessary reasons, I'll tell you that half of his abdomen was not attached to his body and there were body fluids(also referred to as 'guts') spewing onto the floor. I went to get some tissue and wiped him off the floor and threw him in the trash. I was planning on taking him out and throwing him in the outside trash can when I went to get dinner. Of course I forgot.

DUM DUM DUM

When I got home I opened the door to a horrific sight. There was that awful creature perched on the outside of the trash can. Antennas twitching back and forth and all! I was SHOCKED!!!!! I let out a little horrified scream, grabbed the trusty shoe, and lunged at him! Trust me when I say that I can promise that thing isn't coming back! That little devil will not plague the world with his presence ever again.

 Worry not, citizens of Bangkok. I am here.